Singers Sing, Coaches Cry

As it turns out, I owe Pharrell an apology. Our favorite N.E.R.D. is wearing his sunglasses at night not because he's on drugs, but because he's trying to hide a black eye that he earned from fighting with a spatula. And since "spat" is literally in the offending kitchen tool's name, I'm inclined to give him a break about how ridiculous he looks. So, sorry, P. I promise to lay off your (disappointing) fashion choices while you're in recovery and I'll even plug your performance of "Freedom" right here.

In other coach news, Jeffery Alexander's performance literally reduces Gwen to tears (though that doesn't take much these days) and earns serious praise from Blake; he seems to think that Jeffery could be Gwen's ticket to becoming the show's first female coaching champion. The support, whether genuine or panic-induced because his girlfriend was bawling on live television, is cute, and almost distracts from just how badly Blake's own team does.

Here's the Rankling of the Top 11 performances:

Madi Davis

Blake calls this the performance of the night, but I disagree; the whole thing misses the mark for me. I think Madi was trying to go for a "haunting" vibe, but between the piano, the red mic, and the giant fans with streamers attached, the whole thing is too scattered to come across cohesively. Vocally, she does manage to use the arrangement to show off her vibrato, but she spends far too much time in her lower register for anything else to really stand out.

Song: "Love Is Blindness"
Team: Pharrell
Barrett Baber

Basically, Barrett's continued refusal to distinguish between "pitch" and "twang" has me like:

Also, did he just admit to meeting his wife at a frat party after they both had graduated college? 'Cause that's not a good look.

Song: "Delta Dawn"
Team: Blake
Zach Seabaugh

Zach can sing? For some reason, even at this stage, his baritone is surprising. But while he vocally nails the performance, he's a bit too confident onstage to sell the idea of the lyric; he's not nearly nervous enough to deliver the awe and/or timidness that's required. And is it just me, or does his set remind you of giant hair curlers? Not sure who came up with that idea, but the less time spent in the giant tubes and the more time in the crowd, the better.

Song: "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not"
Team: Blake
Evan McKeel

Evans's vocals are awesome, and he definitely nails both the intonations and inflections, but the star here is the modern dancer in the background (or, as Blake calls her, "the girl in the aquarium"), who spends the whole time flapping and kicking her way around a giant orange orb. It's weird, but it's perfect weird.

Song: "Smile"
Team: Pharrell
Shelby Brown

There's no denying that Shelby's talented and that, on paper, "You And I," with it's ballad-y mix of rock and country is a great song choice for her. But the arrangement just doesn't quite come together as it should here. She spends the whole performance stagnant within the middle of her range, and the only real mark she puts on the piece is changing Gaga's "Nebraska" to "Alabama." She'll get votes for it, but I'm not sure it really earns her that giraffe that Adam promised.

Song: "You And I"
Team: Adam
Braiden Sunshine

Braiden's the really nice cruise ship performer that your Nana keeps talking about at breakfast. Or, in other words: zzzzZZzzzzZZZzz.

Song: "True"
Team: Gwen
Emily Ann Roberts

How sad are these lyrics? Move on, girl! Take your sparkly cowboy boots and walk yourself over to the nearest honky tonk where they'll appreciate your tone, and how you distinguish twang from pitch.

Song: "Why Not Me?"
Team: Blake
Korin Bukowski

Korin's vocals are gorgeously soft, but could use a bit of strength behind them, as the band occasionally plays over her, especially towards the end of the performance. She needs to watch her transition into her falsetto as well, but both of these things are really nitpicking complaints that have more to do with her still growing into her confidence than anything else. All in all, she does both Gwen's hairstylist and Mandy Moore proud.

Song: "Only Hope"
Team: Gwen
Jordan Smith

Yet again, he's vocally perfect, plus he gets points for taking on something more upbeat. But are we just going to ignore his visual similarity to Newman forever (it's the glasses more than anything)?

Song: "Who You Are"
Team: Adam
Amy Vachal

Amy continues to prove that she can reinterpret anything by molding it into her hula-glam-lounge-esque genre; her straightforward, sassy delivery of this usually overly dramatic lyric is refreshing in its playfulness. She's so great on her own that she doesn't need a #squad to follow.

Song: "Blank Space"
Team: Adam
Jeffery Austin

Aside from the facts that a) his song selection and arrangement is genius and b) he delivers vocally, Jeffery's performance is in a league of its own for his stage work. Without ever standing up from his stool, he manages to captivate with head movements, hand gestures, and facial expressions. That's not an easy thing to do, and he does it so naturally well that it moves Gwen (and maybe others?) to tears.

Song: "Dancing On My Own"
Team: Gwen