Curly Sue Battles The Voice

Some nights, the Battles just feel so predetermined, you know? Where's the drama? Where's the excitement? Are we supposed to find contentment in Carson's chocolate brown suit and Pharrell's culturally appropriative sweater? It's like the show isn't even trying anymore; they throw a child star up on stage and call it a night. But mark my words: we haven't heard the last of Lacy's crazy "I dreamt this chair turn/save/comment/thing would happen" fantasies. That girl's in this for the long haul, and she's going to haunt Alisan all the way to the finals. Anyway, here's how the Battles Rankle:

1. Caroline Burns vs. Mike Schiavo
   Song: "Like I'm Gonna Lose You"
   Team: Adam

   Mike steps back to allow Caroline space, but even with the uncommon courtesy, she promptly becomes a deer in headlights the moment she steps on stage. While both manage to stay on pitch, neither is comfortable enough to take the lead or try to show off in any way, making this battle little more than a snoozefest. It's sweet that Adam picks Caroline because he sees potential, but Mike would have been a much safer bet.

   Winner: Caroline Burns

2. Emily Keener vs. Jonathan Bach
   Song: "Explosions"
   Team: Pharrell

   At first, I found Jonathan annoying (is Bach a stage name?), but then I realized exactly how much Emily looks like Ygritte from Game Of Thrones, so I just pretended she was singing to/with Jon Snow instead. Audibly, it all sounded fine, but overall, ignoring Jonathan was definitely the way to go.

   Winner: Emily Keener

3. Adam Wakefield vs. Jared Harder
   Song: "Can't You See"
   Team: Blake

   Jared's a clean-cut country boy with a terrific voice, but there's just not a lot of emotion behind what he does. Adam, on the other hand, is one of those singers who gets so up close and personal with his mic that he might as well make out with it; as a result, his vocals come through as mumbles. Fortunately for him, though, Christina and Pharrell are willing to call his intonation soulful, giving him an edge over Jared's far clearer vibrato. Both take a sort of lackadaisical approach to their Battle, and neither sings with a set purpose, so it will be interesting to see if Adam can keep up his so-called soulful charade up through the Knockouts.

   Winner: Adam Wakefield

4. Daniel Passino vs. Kristen Marie
   Song: "Turning Tables"
   Team: Christina

   Ms. Patti Labelle wants Daniel and Kristen to be a couple, and it's easy to see why: the two sound beautiful together, harmonizing flawlessly through intense eye contact. Where Kristen is more quietly assured and comfortable on stage, Daniel peacocks a bit and shows off with a ton of vocal tricks. It's a shame that Adam and Pharrell praise him for it, because I don't think he would have sounded so great without Kristen's support. Also, he kind of looks like The Miz, so that's a bit distressing.

   Winner: Daniel Passino

5. Abby Celso vs. Brian Nhira
   Song: "Sugar"
   Team: Pharrell

   One would think Pharrell would be the last judge on the panel to pad Dr. Luke's royalty check, but then again, he's already behaved like a fool once this season already. While "Sugar" should favor Abby due to the key Adam sings in, the reverse is actually true: Brian manages to find space to show off his range and vocal theatrics while Abby mainly stays stuck singing backup. It's unfortunate, but because Pharrell badly wants to keep them both (...for some reason? Neither is that great), he ends up saving Abby because Brian is a shoo-in for a steal.

   Winner: Abby Celso
   Steal: Brian Nhira to Team Adam

6. Alisan Porter vs. Lacy Mandigo
   Song: "California Dreamin'"
   Team: Christina

   Poor Lacy was an obviously sacrificial lamb from the second the Battle was announced (you just don't let Curly Sue go), but it's cool to see she's able to hold her own enough to earn a steal.

   Winner: Alisan Porter
   Steal: Lacy Mandigo to Team Blake

And, of course, honorable mention to the montaged. We'll see more of Moushumi, Katherine Ho, and Angie Keilhauer in the next round.

Here are the current team standings:

Team Blake: Paxton Ingram, Mary Sarah, Angie Keilhauer, Adam Wakefield, Peyton Parker, Brittany Kennell, Gina Castanzo, Trey O'Dell, Brittney Lawrence, Katie Basden, Lacy Mandigo

Team Christina : Bryan Bautista, Alisan Porter, Joe Maye, Daniel Passino, Tamar Davis, Ayanna Jahnee, Maya Smith

Team Pharrell: Abby Celso, Nick Hagelin, Caity Peters, Joe Vivona, Emily Keener, Hannah Huston, Malik Heard, Moushumi, Shalyah Fearing

Team Adam: John Gilman, Caroline Burns, Laith Al-Saadi, Kata Hay, Katherine Ho, Nate Butler, Ryan Quinn, Matt Tedder, Owen Danoff, Jessica Crosbie, Brian Nhira