Before we start, can we just take a moment to appreciate the way Carson's blue eyes twinkle when offset by a dark navy, sheen-y shine suit?
Trae Patton / NBC
[Moment.]
Okay, on to the big news: since we're technically in the semi-finals, the next elimination will cut the Top 9 down to the Top 4 Finalists! This is a bit shocking in that it's never been done before, but honestly: it's for the best. Some of these people (Barrett) have definitely overstayed their welcome.
Since there's a whole two hours to fill with only nine semi-finalists, both Ellie Goulding -- who thinks the dress code is business causal holiday party? -- and Coach Blake -- who adorably shouts out No Doubt's Rock Steady -- perform while Gwen looks on dressed as a white Pocahontas. (Seriously: not cool G.) The semi-finalists themselves all do fine by their own personal standards of measure (so: Barrett's terrible), but the true heroes of the night are the stage crew, who manage to pull off some impressively designed quick changes. Yay, stage crew!
But now, on to the Top 9 Rankling:
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Barrett Baber
Barrett says he aiming for "swampy" with this performance, but it's so bad that it's not even purposefully rough. In fact, it's so terrible, and his vocals are so off-pitch that his mic literally cuts out in the middle of his set. So, I'm begging you, America. Please don't vote this guy through to the finals. The electronics can't take it.
Song: "Ghost"
Team: Blake -
Emily Ann Roberts
Look, Emily Ann has a future playing Carrie Underwood in the eventual American Idol: The Story Of Ryan Seacrest musical, but other than that...there's just not much here. While her vocals have improved, her stage presence is still bland; the most exciting thing about this whole performance is that I broke a glass midway through when I got up to do the dishes.
Song: "9 to 5"
Team: Blake -
Jeffery Austin
Just like his Robyn cover, I expect that Jeffery's take on this Cher classic will be divisive, but I'll go on the record as being a fan. The kid clearly has a point of view and an idea for a concept album that would definitely sell well amongst those of us who fall into the Girls-is-BS-and-Sex & The City-is-outdated age bracket. Vocally, he's solid; visually, the weird backlit background dancers in the empty doorway set pieces is a weird choice. Still, I'm at least 55% into it.
Song: "Believe"
Team: Gwen -
Amy Vachal
Amy makes a smart return to a song that's more traditionally in her wheelhouse, and the performance is all the more memorable for it, standing out for its simplicity in a sea of would-be moments. The upside-down umbrellas are a nice touch, as is the blue filter that floods the stage. (Apparently, I'm really into reviewing set design right now!) It's always weird to realize Amy's on Team Adam, but kudos to her for being the performer with the most consistent style throughout the season.
Song: "To Make You Feel My Love"
Team: Adam -
Braiden Sunshine
I'm so happy that Braiden's back to performing in his natural curls and naturally needed glasses that I don't even mind when he falls flat towards the end of a few too many lyrics. The kid's got talent.
Song: "Amazing Grace"
Team: Gwen -
Shelby Brown
Shelby's been an under-the-radar powerhouse all season, and her vocals are on point here as usual, but part of me wishes that she were a little less country and a little more pop with the acrobatics in her arrangement. She doesn't need to try to show off in order to deliver an emotion performance and the odd thing is that she usually knows this and shows considerable restraint. It's tbd if this can be blamed on nerves or Adam, but I hope whatever the cause is goes away by next week.
Song: "Even God Must Get The Blues"
Team: Adam -
Zach Seabaugh
Zach's mostly been written off as a joke all season thanks to his fancy pants dance moves, but he turns around that thinking here by "George Strait-ing" his way to a solid performance that puts his rich baritone on display. The arrangement itself is a little repetitive, but the country spin he puts on this clothing-era Miley standard would make her godmother Dolly proud. Also, I really like the digital filigree details on his stage setup, so there's that too.
Song: "The Climb"
Team: Blake -
Madi Davis
Madi's voice + this song choice + that Italian country café set + those roses in her hair = feminist dolce vita
Song: "Big Girls Don't Cry"
Team: Pharrell -
Jordan Smith
It's nice to see Jordan finally take on an upbeat song, and this choice is a perfect match for his range and style. There's an exciting energy to everything about it that's not so much fresh as it is a reminder of how lackluster everything else has been so far (you know, save for Zach's hips). More of this (and the rowdy choir, and the silver glitter lapels), please.
Song:"Somebody To Love"
Team: Adam
Are you as happy as I am that we'll get rid of four of these losers Tuesday night? Who do you think is making it to the finals? And can Gwen's outfits define cultural appropriation any further?