The Voice Wows, For Once

Even after 10.5 seasons, and literally a thousand-plus mediocre performances, The Voice still occasionally wows, and when it does, it wows BIG -- so big that even scruffy Carson (he's working overtime, filling in on Today for the fired Billy Bush) can't help literally shouting in the face of the awesome. It's rare, but when it happens, it almost makes even the most painful of performance worth it (j/k, who are we kidding? Nothing is worth watching Bette Midler lower herself to giving notes on Hoobastank).

Here's the worst to first Rankling:

1. Christian Fermin vs. Gabe Broussard
   Song: "The Reason"
   Team: Blake

   This Battle has all the excitement and talent of a typical high school sophomore talent show. No more, though certainly no less, pitch issues included.

   Winner: Gabe Broussard

2. Darby Walker vs. Karlee Metzger
   Song: "Brand New Key"
   Team: Miley

   This battle -- "the Miley-est thing ever," as Adam refers to it -- is a lesson in patience. Both Darby and Karlee are unnecessarily grating, though they do make it a point to show up dressed to kill: Darby's burnt orange crushed velvet suit is hot, and I won't hear a word against it. In the end, they work well together because they force a change in each other, with Darby turning it down and Karlee turning it up in order to wind up with something semi-normal. TBD on how tolerable they'll each be on their own, but this is a genuine toss up.

   Winner: Darby Walker
   Steal: Karlee to Team Blake

3. Josh Halverson vs. Kylie Rothfield
   Song: "House Of The Rising Sun"
   Team: Alicia

   Josh straight-up looks like the love child of Russell Brand and Rasputin (check out the creepy way his eyeball pops out of its socket), so yeah, Kylie wins this one, and Josh goes to Miley's team of misfits, where he can creep us out in the Knockouts.

   Winner: Kylie Rothfield
   Steal: Josh to Team Miley

4. Blaine Long vs. Josh Gallagher
   Song: "Stranger In My House"
   Team: Blake

   This...this just isn't fair to Blaine. Vocally, he's superior, but he's far more awkward in every other respect, right down to his pants, which Ms. Midler deems unacceptable. Josh, on the other hand, performs with a smoothness one wouldn't expect of a cowboy in a black baseball hat. He might not be as vocally stellar, but there's room to push and he might still surprise in the Knockouts.

   Winner: Josh Gallagher

5. Johnny Rez vs. Nolan Neal
   Song: "Sledgehammer"
   Team: Adam

   Johnny and Nolan play in the same lane, so their matchup is understandable, if underwhelming. Sammy Hagar actually nails the issue early on in his rehearsal commentary, when he points out that there's a more distinct quality to Johnny's voice, whereas Nolan sounds like an unenthusiastic, bland demo tape. Both are polite enough to duet rather than Battle, and they each work their side of the stage well, but something about the whole thing is uninspired, save for the physics-defying angle of Johnny's hat. Adam chooses Nolan for reasons that must make sense in Adam-land, but on style points alone, that feels like a mistake.

   Winner: Nolan Neal

6. Aaron Gibson vs. Sa'Rayah
   Song: "I'll Take Care Of You"
   Team: Miley

   This Battle is straight fire, taking place on a level so high above everything else that it doesn't even seem to belong to the same show. Sa'Rayah is fierce, using her full, pure tone to its most devastating effect as she holds the audience captive with her performance. Aaron isn't a slouch either: he matches Sa'Rayah's intensity, while complimenting her sound with the gravel in his own voice, taking the Battle to unexplored, push-and-pull, give-and-get territory. It's big, it's loud, and it's season-making.

   Winner: Aaron Gibson
   Steal: Sa'Rayah to Team Alicia

To conclude: obligatory honorable mention to the three montaged Battles:

We'll see Dana Harper (Team Blake), Belle Jewel (Team Alicia), and Simone Gundy (Team Adam) in the Knockouts, though we'll see poor JSOUL never, as he's been montaged straight out of the season. Boy, bye.