The Voice Battles With Stylists And Vocal Stylings

Look, I think we all just need to agree on something upfront: Miley Cyrus is living her best life, and her best life includes wearing a boldly patterned, orange satin pajama-like jumpsuit on national television. You just take a look at that surely semi-stretch fabric and tell me that girl isn't super-comfy! She's living the dream -- the dream, obviously, being stretch fabric and the professional reason to take cheap shots at Blake for what surely is an above-average paycheck. And that's not so shabby for a kid who got her start with a bleached wig and buckteeth.

Anyway, here's how the night's Battles Rankle:

1. Courtney Harrell vs. Ethan Tucker
   Song: "Gravity"
   Team: Blake

   It's hard to explain why one expects sincere emotion in conjunction with anything related to John Mayer, but even still, this Battle falls a little flat. Ethan is smooth and can probably carry off a low-key cover on his own, but Courtney and her vocal acrobatics completely overwhelm the quiet work he's doing in the metaphorical corner. Her tone is that much fuller, her presence is that much more felt, and her eye is that much more on the prize. She wins not because she's better, but because she visibly and audibly takes up that much more space. It's not genuine emotion, but it's probably the playboy-phase John Mayer thing to do.

   Winner: Courtney Harrell

2. Lane Mack vs. Sophia Urista
   Song: "Money"
   Team: Miley

   This one really is money, honey. Between the salty-sweet contrast of Lane and Sophia's tones, and their matching intensity, this Battle feels like an actual vocal boxing match. The two go at each other nearly as much as they harmonize, and it's really only Sophia's dismissiveness as Lane seeks her approval that wins that Battle for her; she focuses on her vocal theatrics and makes the most of the attention, leaving Lane looking like a less vital accessory than her dollar sign jacket.

   Winner: Sophia Urista

3. Dave Moisan vs. Michael Sanchez
   Song: "Valerie"
   Team: Alicia

   This battle is straight-up weird, in a fabulous way. Dave's great; his falsetto is clear, his energy is palpable, and he's smooth in every sense of the word. But he's also completely forgettable. Michael steals the show, not in the least because he looks like the half-grown love child of Rick Moranis and Tony Bennett. That voice! Those glasses! That slight creep factor that's a byproduct of that voice and those glasses! It's almost too much and almost too hard to look away from, but the fact that the he's technically musically excellent puts him on the right side of awesome.

   Winner: Michael Sanchez
   Steal: Dave to Team Adam

And, of course: honorable mention to the three montaged Battles:

We'll see Ponciano Seoane (Team Adam), Josette Diaz (Team Miley), and Maye Thomas (also Team Miley) in the Knockouts!