Prince Would Kick The Voice Off His Stage

As the world mourns Prince, a skinny, 5'2" Artist often draped in purple sequins, The Voice has the audacity to challenge the Purple One's legacy of sexiness by forcing Blake Shelton -- the most Oklahoma person ever from Oklahoma -- to take part in a painfully pre-taped tribute. Despite the purple bandana tucked into Blake's jacket pocket, it's badddddd. Not only is he awkwardly unconvincing when he says that Prince's music can change his mood, he's so nervous about the line that it comes off as if he's never actually heard a Prince song in his life. It's definitely not sexy, and Carson's answering eyeroll is practically audible. Could the show not afford to have Adam sing "Purple Rain"? Or even just some purple arm bands, embellished with Love Symbol #2? It almost would have been better if they didn't pay tribute at all, unless you want to count the mediocre performances of the Top 11 as a faux-gonzo sendup to the time Prince kicked Kim Kardashian offstage. But eat breakfast foods and shade people we must, so here's the Rankling of Monday night's word to first:

Owen Danoff

Owen's great, but this definitely isn't his best performance. While he has an emotional connection to the song, he's clearly holding himself back from really letting go on stage, and the resulting blandness makes it easy to forget this performance.

Song: "Fire And Rain"
Team: Adam
Bryan Bautista

Something about Bryan has always bugged me, and I finally figured out what it is: he reminds me of a friend's ex. So, apologies, but I now hate him. Personal feelings aside, though, his cheesy re-arrangement of "Just The Way You Are" doesn't do him any favors, because the song will never not be Bruno's in the same way that "Rehab" will never not be Amy Winehouse's; there will be tributes and covers, but never ownership. The cheesy white jacket is gross too, and while it's sweet that this song means so much to Bryan's sister, it's just not that great a performance.

Song: "Just The Way You Are"
Team: Christina
Nick Hagelin

Eye-roll so hard.

Song: "Your Body Is A Wonderland"
Team: Christina
Hannah Huston

Hannah's pitch perfect as always, and it's impressive that she decided to challenge herself to a ballad this week, but something in her pronunciation is off; she over-complicates the simple lyrics by refusing to enunciate her words. Instead, they all blend into one another and she never gets around to adding the harsh "k" sound to the end of the word "dark." It takes away from the meaning of the song, and the mumbles make it easy to tune out and overlook the emotion she was trying to display.

Song: "I Can't Make You Love Me"
Team: Pharrell
Daniel Passino

While I'm admittedly a sucker for "Time After Time," Daniel does his cover justice by delivering a decent vocal. His main problem is consistency; he's moving around the stage too much to sustain his breathing, so he ends up gasping for air at odd lyrical breaks. It's not the best, but it's certainly not his worst either.

Song: "Time After Time"
Team: Pharrell
Adam Wakefield

Adam's great -- his vocals are more polished this week than ever before and his falsetto is solid -- but this is the same performance that we see from Team Blake each season. The large backing band doesn't do Adam any favors, and he ultimately ends up looking like forgettable frontman to the superior house band.

Song: "Lights"
Team: Blake
Mary Sarah

Mary's performances have been lackluster ever since she leaned into a more modern catalog, but "Johnny And June" sees her perfectly walking the line (sorry, had to) between the retro and the now. Her old-school twang is effective, and her whole range shines throughout the arrangement. Her runs are so solid that she both convinces Blake she's able to move the "iTunes dial" (someone get Blake a computer), and makes him wonder if she can yodel, which is apparently his surefire indicator of a great vocalist.

Song: "Johnny And June"
Team: Blake
Paxton Ingram

It would be easy to dismiss Paxton's turn to Jesus as a classic defensive move out of Blake's playbook, but he's a worship leader in his real life, so he gets a pass. Praising Jesus allows Paxton to relax on stage, and while his vocals are flawless, he also connects more with the audience than he ever has before, despite his eyes being closed. This style suits him well, and will definitely win him a ton of votes.

Song: "Break Every Chain"
Team: Blake
Laith Al-Saadi

Laith's experience lends a pleasant maturity to "Make It Rain," while the arrangement allows him to show off his well-worn, growling vibrato. He's made it this far as this season's unconventional performer, but this might just win him some of the tween vote as well. Pharrell is so impressed that he does Laith the solid of shouting out his three earlier albums, which is a nice way to trick people into forgetting to actually vote.

Song: "Make It Rain"
Team: Adam
Alisan Porter

Perfect as always, and her leather pants are hot, but she's no La'Porsha and we're living in a post-#LEMONADE world now.

Song: "Stay With Me Baby"
Team: Christina
Shalyah Fearing

Shalyah's so unbelievably poised that it's hard to believe she's not a pop star already, except for the part where she wears actual clothing that covers her crotch. Her take on "The Climb" is more subdued than Miley's, but the guitar riff lends it an unexpected edge. Vocally, she's flawless, and she's unmatched in her ability to emote with pure honesty. She's a standout without forcing a showy performance, which is a complete rarity.

Song: "The Climb"
Team: Adam