In this, the primary season of our discontent, there are at least three universal truths that must be acknowledged: Ted Cruz is probably not the Zodiac Killer (the face fits, but the timing doesn't add up). Some of these Season 10 performers can actually sing, really, really, really well. And Dr. Jill Biden looks good in leather. Any objections? No? I didn't think so.
Since May is Military Appreciation Month, SLOTUS has the good grace to tear FLOTUS away from her video war with Prince Harry to commend the service men and woman filling the audience, though maybe their location and the fact that most Los Angeles-area military bases are empty as a result isn't something that should be advertised on national television. The Top 10 perform "Home" in tribute to the service, and honestly, it's not half-bad, though the color-coordinating is obviously the best part (it was probably Shalyah's idea).
But enough about coming together; let's tear these performers apart. Here's the Top 10 Rankling:
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Daniel Passino
Daniel's performance is a classic case of an artist not doing his homework; for all of his theatrics, it's clear that he never bothered to invest time watching Armageddon. The result is a half-baked show that relies on pitchy vocals and stage work, instead of genuine emotion. It's obvious that Daniel wants this sort of ballad and vibe to be his thing, but without the proper weight of watching Ben Affleck parade animal crackers around Liv Tyler's stomach, it just feels hollow.
Song: "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing"
Team: Pharrell -
Hannah Huston
Here's a tip: if you're a skinny blonde wearing a black lace jumpsuit, don't try to cover Adele. Just don't. And yes, this is as much a critique of Hannah's weird, forced vocal affectations as it is a warning to Taylor Swift about her next tour's setlist.
Song: "Rolling In The Deep"
Team: Pharrell -
Nick Hagelin
Nick's vocals are smooth, but he's still suffering from the mumbles. Also, his outfit looks hand-selected from this Buzzfeed listicle about terrible boy-band outfits, so his whole thing is altogether distasteful.
Song: "I Can't Help It"
Team: Christina -
Bryan Bautista
Bryan's fine (if one can be "fine" while having that cheesy face), but the over-the-top pandering for the Latino vote by Christina and Pharrell is just ridiculous. By reducing his performance down to its basic genre, they actually detract from the decent work that Bryan does onstage -- his vocals are solid, and he definitely has a certain appeal to him -- and make me not want to root for him. It's the Blake Effect, but made worse by Christina's fake accent.
Song: "Promise"
Team: Christina -
Adam Wakefield
Adam knows how to put on a show, but the theatrics of his huge production just hide his mediocre vocals. Yet…he'll be here next week anyway, because he has a cowboy hat. And that's how it works in American elections.
Song: "I Got A Woman"
Team: Blake -
Paxton Ingram
Paxton's slowly finding his niche, and while the Celine song seems like a risk, the melody is right in his pocket. He makes a show of it, much like he made a show of prasiing Jesus last week, but it's actually in the quieter parts where he really shines. The arrangement's ending is especially well done, and he may yet turn out to be a finale contender if his confidence continues to grow.
Song: "It's All Coming Back To Me"
Team: Blake -
Alisan Porter
It's no surprise that Alisan's vocals are excellent, but the smart choices she makes throughout her arrangement are what really impress. Team Christina is usually over the top, but the slight restraint Alisan shows really helps to highlight her emotional connection to the song. She could have definitely done less to achieve an even greater effect, but Christina probably would have talked her out of it if she tried.
Song: "Let Him Fly"
Team: Christina -
Mary Sarah
The best way to describe Mary Sarah's special huskiness is "Dorothy Zbornak with a cold and the Southern charm of Blanche Devereaux." Or, in other words, flawless.
Song: "Stand By Your Man"
Team: Blake -
Shalyah Fearing
Shalyah's unfailing politeness makes her endearing, but her complete willingness to be raw on stage is what sets her apart -- and places her on top -- of the competition. She's strong when she leans into her husky tone and vibrato, and stronger when she considers the details of the performance; no one else color-coordinates with their backup singers by placing them in teal striped dresses. Adam says he reminds her of Mary J., which is sweet and kind of easy to see, but her real breakaway moment is more Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls. She's not going anywhere.
Song: "My Kinda Love"
Team: Adam -
Laith Al-Saadi
"By far, the best show of musicianship I've ever seen on this show." - Adam.
He's right, too.
Song: "The Thrill Is Gone"
Team: Adam
Do you agree with the Rankling? Are you too tired of Pharrell's FLEA hat? And when do you think Nick will join the 21st century?